The life you didn’t live
Recently I made a painting called the “Graveyard of Possibilities”, which was inspired by the notion that there are so many possible lives one could have ended up living but didn’t.
Those possibilities which one doesn’t experience will either die or be lived by others.
This means that, to some extent, we must come to terms with our current life: the paths we’ve taken and those we may or may never experience, whether shaped by our own choices or circumstances beyond our control.
However, this “making peace” mentality is easier said than done.
The grass is greener on the other side
For instance, the thought of knowing that I have missed many opportunities in my life, and that there are many others I will never be able to enjoy, makes me want to hit my head against the wall multiple times.
On one hand, doubts arise about whether or not I am living the “right” life, the one that I was “supposed to” live.
If I’m not careful, those doubts could lead me to think less of the life that I’m actually living because maybe the grass is greener on the other side.
Add to that the vague feeling of stagnation about my actual life that sometimes arises when I compare how others are doing much more and better things than me, and you have an exquisite recipe for anxiety and intrusive thoughts.
The two prior points could be better explained by Oliver Burkeman on his book “Four Thousands Weeks: Time Management for Mortals”.
Basically, the author explained that with the rise of social media those success stories which realistically speaking are not that common in “real life”, become then normal due to the high exposure those examples have on the Internet, creating the illusion that it is very common to be successful and have this perfect life which is portrayed on social media.
Which in turn makes you think to yourself: “Well, if being successful is so normal, why am I not living a ‘successful’ life then? Something must be wrong with me.”
Not all is bad
Now, to be fair, it’s worth mentioning there is something positive in being exposed to many different possibilities, either on the Internet or as product of an hyper-active imagination: you will start to realize you don’t feel the same way about every possible scenario.
Some possibilities will inspire you, others will repel you, and there are those you could not care less about.
This emotional discretion, or selectiveness, as to which possible scenario resonates more with your core, can serve you as a guiding tool.
It helps you discern which possibilities align with your true desires and deserve your focus.
By recognizing these, you can move closer to paths that feel meaningful, distance yourself from those that repel you, and disregard others that are irrelevant. Thus allowing you to direct your energy toward living a life that feels more authentic and fulfilling.
For example, regardless of how many people I would see on the Internet skydiving, there is no way in hell I would willingly throw myself from hundreds of kilometers from the sky “to have fun”. It’s just not going to happen.
Since that possibility repels me, I would distance myself from it. (Although I guess if I were ever in an airplane crash midair...)
On the contrary, before my wife Kimberly and I founded our own online art gallery, Kreation Artzone, we didn’t know that’s what we wanted.
We just knew we wanted to live a more fulfilling life through our creative passions, but we didnt know exactly what was that, how to get it, and more importantly, if we could even do such thing.
However, when we saw others making art and running their own creative businesses, something inside of us clicked. We knew that from all the things we could do with our creative talents, that’s what we wanted, so we moved closer to that possibility.
Conclusion
While creating the painting mentioned earlier, “Graveyard of Possibilities”, I couldn’t avoid listening to that little voice somewhere inside of me asking “What would have happened if…”, forcing me to relive all the decisive moments I have had throughout my life, small and big.
Some moments made me laugh, others made me feel regret, and there were those moments I just thought “What the fuc*** was I thinking.”
This reminded me of when someone close to me asked at what age would I start over if I could go back in time with my current knowledge.
I gave my answer without too much thought, explaining to him all the many great things I would do differently.
But would I?
After all, it was precisely the accumulation of every one of those possibilities that did happen, good and bad, that made me who I am right now.
To that effect, I think I must be grateful with my current life and accept it as it is, regardless of how awesome or boring or limited it might be.
Entertaining the idea further, if I could return to the past knowing what I know now and alter the chain reaction of events I experienced, wouldn’t I eventually find myself yearning for the life I’m living now? Missing the person I became on this other possibility or some of the great experiences I did have? Wouldn’t it leave me back at square one, meaning, contemplating other possibilities anyway?
However, if there was one good thing about contemplating all the possible lives and moments you could have ended up living or could live in some distant future, it would be the opportunity to give your heart a moment to discover that which is actually worth living for.
Final words
As I write these words, I can’t help but think of those painful possibilities, situations that some of us find ourselves trapped in and which we hope to escape from to follow our heart’s true calling but, unfortunately, cannot.
Is there any word of encouragement for them at all?
Psychiatrist Victor Frankl and survivor of the holocaust gave an answer to such predicament on his book Man’s Search for Meaning.
Here the author basically explains that what destroys the human soul is not the suffering per se, but that suffering which doesn’t seem to have any meaning: a meaningless suffering.
In other words, people can keep moving forward in spite of, and evolve through suffering as long as they can find a strong reason to justify their suffering.
However, even in the worst case scenario, in which after so much searching no meaning for the suffering is found, the overcoming of such suffering, to stand tall in spite of it, the author adds, will provide solace to the heart and a reason to feel proud and keep moving forward.
Author: Jason Berberena
Visual artist, writer and co-founder of Kreation Artzone