My aunt: was she dumb or…?
I was recently speaking with some friends about the concept of free will, trying to figure out whether it actually existed, especially when contrasted with the notion of determinism.
Among that torrent of thoughts, I had a paradoxical revelation (well, at least it felt that way to me) regarding the human condition.
This “revelation” reminded me of a time when I was a little boy and went to my artistically inclined aunt and showed her my Spiderman coloring book.
After showing off the pages I colored, I felt pity for her, thinking she wasn’t able to have the same blast I was having, so I gave her permission (and the privilege!) to also color one of its pages.
After a while, she returned to me the Spiderman coloring book.
It was at that moment that I learned you could also make fine art with a simple coloring book.
I just couldn’t believe how beautiful it was. I have never seen anything like that.
My aunt was able to make out of a simple image of Spiderman over a spider web, doing one of his iconic poses from a coloring book, something amazing, actual art.
The colors, the technique… everything was so extraordinarily well done.
I spent several minutes looking at how she colored the pages, and I asked her to teach me. She went on to explain the process she used and why.
What I heard sounded to me like genius-level science shit.
However, after a while, a detail caught my attention. It was the color she decided to use for the web: bright green.
“Was she just dumb, or is there something else going on here?” I secretly wondered.
Should we follow the universal rule?
I mean, she just showed me she was a genius of art and science, didn’t she know that webs are not green in real life? Even I knew that, and I was a little kid.
“Why is this green?” I asked my aunt while pointing out the web, clearly confused.
“Because I wanted it that way. And to me, it looks better.”
That was it? No science? No secrets? She just “wanted it that way”?
Weren’t we supposed to follow the universal law every kid knew of staying within the lines and shapes, honoring the “real” colors of the subjects we were coloring in the coloring books?
What was next then? Coloring the Hulk pink?
But I stayed quiet. Just looking at it. What she did actually looked better that way…way better.
After that little experience, it was never the same for me.
I became more creative and free-spirited when using my coloring books at school since I realized that I was limited only by my imagination. So I started experimenting and trying new things.
Evidence of free will
Circling back to the discussion with my friends, it was more or less between the lines of free will being just a mere illusion, a lie.
Their argument was that you will end up doing or choosing what you were already predetermined to do or choose among a specific and limited set of options, giving you the illusion that you were always acting out of your free will, when in reality you were just reacting to these deterministic forces, a prisoner of them, to put it in another way.
For them, determinism and free will were incompatible.
But were they?
I mean, against what would you use your free will if there were absolutely no, let’s call it, resistances or limitations? What would you be trying to free yourself from in the first place?
Yes, I agreed with them in that there are some predetermined forces, either internally or externally, that you didn’t necessarily choose, that will try to force you to do or react in certain ways (and sometimes they will succeed at it), as well as limiting your range of possibilities as to what is plausible in your situation. However, it is exactly here where free will comes into play.
My point was, in short, that free will isn’t a matter of how many things, or type of things, you could choose from, but by the fact that you could even choose at all.
Free will is a qualitative subject, not a quantitative one.
The invisible hand
“What about these predeterministic forces that seem to be ‘an invisible hand’ manipulating everything at its own discretion? They don't exist then? Are you saying I am completely free?”
From where I stand, these predetermined forces are nothing but a confirmation that I am; that I exist in a place and time, and in being something within the fabric of “reality”, experiencing life, in this case, as a human being and not as a dolphin.
Maybe my situation is limited, not ideal, fixed on making me suffer, impossible to change or improve, one chosen for me without my consent, and yet, I believe that at the bare minimum you still have the option to choose how you go about it.
At the bare minimum, you can choose the narrative you are telling yourself about whatever is going on.
And maybe… just maybe, this practice can open up the space for you to find a way to overcome and/or influence whatever limitations those predetermined forces are restraining you to by helping you to see things from another perspective.
Like my aunt, who, in spite of being forced and limited by the template of the Spiderman coloring book to do something in a certain way, she was able to influence, to an extent, how she related to said template by changing the narrative that spider webs can be green.
Thus, in spite of existing, in this case, external forces pushing her to relate to them in a certain manner, she was able to leave behind a little evidence of her free will on the page by deciding how she wanted to relate and confront said forces.
Clearly, to be able to exert your free will doesn’t guarantee any results. Yet, it doesn’t matter, either.
Because neither should free will be measured by your results or lack of them, only by the capacity you had in the first place in deciding to exert free will to pursue those results, a path.
Conclusion
Therefore, my perspective is that predetermined forces gave me a starting point in the world and made my existence possible within certain parameters.
What I do with these parameters, as well as how I approach or think about them, is my free will.
Without any forces that predetermine your existence, you would have no free will, since you wouldn’t exist at all in the “world”.
Think of it like a board game: you wouldn’t be able to make use of your free will within the game in using different strategies if there were no predetermined guidelines to establish a context, something to navigate, influence, exploit, or be constrained by.
Final Words
Now, I have reasons to believe that the extent of your capacity to use your free will is correlated to the extent of your awareness.
How, or among what, will you choose if you don’t even know what your options are?
In other words, the less aware you are of your options, the less free will you have at your disposal.
And the less free will you are able to command, the more prone you are to become a victim of the most likely deterministic forces and/or outcomes surrounding your specific context: a marionette of everyone and everything.
Final reflection
Now, as I was writing about this, I couldn’t stop thinking about those incapable of even making use of their faculty of conscious thought and emotional processing, or their physical capacities, say a baby, or someone with a severe disability.
Also, what about those who are being victims of extreme coercion, let’s say, sexual trafficking, or assault?
What about those that, in spite of being conscious about their options as to how to use their free will and having the capacity to exert it, due to unfortunate events outside of their control, ended up in extremely bizarre and undesirable circumstances?
Should anyone be allowed to use their free will, even the “bad people doing bad things”?
What about those killed by the “wrong” use of free will of others?
How to think about these scenarios? What can I even tell these people?
I am really dying to say… to say something, anything! to those victims and encourage them.
And, in theory, I could say something to these people, these… real victims of life, and to their families.
I could tell them, “Everything happens for a reason. You’ll grow from this. You’re stronger than you think. Not everyone is bad. You can still do something about it. If you only try harder… ‘This too shall pass’. Forget it, and let the past stay in the past. What happened to you was just bad luck…” and… and…
But should I? Wouldn’t it sound… empty?
I don’t know.
And even if I knew what to say, I don’t know if I would dare to, because I have a strong suspicion that the whole truth might be darker than one would want to admit.
Want to use art as a pathway to self-reflection and personal growth?
Working with me as your Art Life Coach isn’t about making pretty or perfect art. It’s about engaging in the creative process in a non-clinical way to better understand yourself, see your feelings more clearly, and make sense of what can’t always be explained with words. Art often reveals truths before we can name them, making it a powerful tool for self-reflection, personal growth, and change. If you feel there’s something within you that needs to be expressed or explored, this process might help.
Author: Jason Berberena
Art Life Coach, writer, painter, and co-founder of Kreation Artzone
