The chocolate in the fridge
I knew what I was getting myself into when I started to walk towards it.
I had decided to focus on my task and nothing else because I had a bigger goal.
Water.
That was my task: to open the fridge and get the water gallon because I was thirsty. No juice. No snacks. No milk. Nothing. Just water.
But it wasn’t that easy.
Every step towards the fridge became heavier, and somehow slower. At some point, I even tried to convince myself that I wasn’t that thirsty after all, that I could wait.
…the thirst, though.
It was too much to handle. So I kept at it and opened the fridge door, scared, but firm in my decision to only focus on my task.
The problem?
The damn chocolates.
It was Valentine’s Day, and chocolates poured into the apartment like heavy rain.
Under other circumstances, it wouldn’t be a problem. I would have sat down and eaten them happily, without the faintest feeling of shame.
However, my wife and I were planning on running a marathon, so there was a heightened consciousness of what we ate.
So like a “champion”, as soon as I opened the door of the fridge, two chocolates fell into my mouth. Just. Like. That.
I said they “fell” because I don’t know what happened.
One moment I’m thirsty, the other, I’m tasting two chocolates with no idea how they jumped from the fridge’s door to my mouth, apparently, on their own.
“It wasn’t my fault.”
Everything happened so fast…
“Fuck. I shouldn’t have eaten them.”, I thought to myself, ashamed of my decision and my inability to control the impulses.
“But what could I have done!? I mean, the chocolates were there! It wasn’t my fault!” I continued thinking, trying to find a justification to my poor lack of self-control.
As soon as I muttered those words, I heard the echo of what I just said in a slow-motion replay: “(...) the chocolates were there. It wasn’t my fault.”
I mean, who was I trying to lie to?
I went to the store. I bought the chocolate. I brought them home, and I put the damn chocolates in the fridge. Nobody else did.
Whose fault was it then?
Mine.
That took me to contemplate many other decisions that I have been making on a daily basis, and whether I felt proud about them.
The answer came too fast.
“No.”
Temptations
That little voice didn’t hesitate.
I tried to free myself from the burden of the knowledge that, like this decision, I have made many other equally poor decisions daily.
Like with the chocolates, I tried to conjure one thousand justifications to free myself from the burden of such responsibility, from the consequences of my daily decisions and actions.
But I couldn’t.
Although it was true that different circumstances brought up a myriad of variables influencing my decision, ultimately, the only constant was always me, and how I managed myself.
So, whether I was proud or not of my decisions and the resulting consequences, I had a duty to examine the situation and identify what part I played in it, accept it, and do something about it.
I realized then that the problem wasn’t about my lack of self-control at the moment, when being confronted by the chocolate. It was about everything that happened before the chocolate even got into the fridge.
Sometimes the wiser thing one can do is to flee from temptations.
For instance: the only way that my wife and I would have eaten chocolates in the apartment was if any of us had brought chocolates to the apartment in the first place.
Thinking in terms of probabilities
Like the author Mark Douglas said in his book “Trading in the Zone: Master the Market with Confidence, Discipline and a Winning Attitude”: one might be better positioned if one thinks in terms of probabilities, meaning, setting up your system for success, and letting the odds play in your favor.
If we hadn’t brought any chocolates to the apartment, then we wouldn’t have been tempted to eat chocolates in the apartment in the first place.
No chocolates in the apartment = No eating chocolates in the apartment.
Could we have eaten chocolates outside the apartment and thus bypass the prior restraints, though?
Absolutely.
I could have eaten chocolates just right before entering the doors of my apartment, and I would not have been guilty of eating chocolates in the apartment, since I was outside.
But then, as I explained in a prior article “Lies and the ghost in the mirror.”, it doesn’t matter how good you are at lying to others, it is extremely hard to lie to yourself, because you, and only you, will end up living with the uncomfortable truth you are trying to hide, and it will come out sooner or later.
Therefore, I would have asked myself: how do I feel knowing that I am sabotaging myself by setting myself up for failure? That I am playing the odds against myself, and that the only one losing here is me?
Don’t get me wrong, I am not against eating chocolates. I love chocolates, but is eating chocolates aligned with my goals?
“No”?
“Then why the heck are you surrounding yourself with chocolates?” I would have reprimanded myself.
From one little thing to the other.
Big events in our lives cause major life transitions. They are either very exciting, terrifying, or both.
Big events are those “checkpoints in life” that you more easily remember when looking back because you feel they were those moments that moved your life significantly forward, or backwards.
However, we overestimate “big life events”, while underestimating the small ones.
We falsely assume that if there are no major events in our lives, we aren’t “really” living.
In the process of pursuing those major, less frequent events, we forget that life keeps happening in the daily, hourly, minute timeframe.
We forget that we live life from one little thing to the other.
That is the accumulation of these little bubbles, splashes of moments that make life worth living, or regrettable in the long run.
So, what if we decide to change the paradigm and focus on the little things that are way more accessible and manageable?
For instance, what little change can you implement that could increase the likelihood of something that you want actually happening?
In other words, what little thing is within your power to do in order to set yourself up for success and play the odds in your favor from the very beginning?
If eating chocolates wasn’t part of my goal because there was a diet to adhere to, why would I grab chocolates and bring them home, for example?
More often than not, these apparently insignificant things make all the difference in the long run.
Conclusion
When it comes to understanding how little things have a great impact, no one knows it better than an artist.
They know a simple line traced wrong, a tiny blip of color in the wrong place (or God forbid, the wrong tonality!), can set them up for failure.
Could they fix the issue if they make some type of mistake? Most likely.
And yet, from the outside, the amount of effort they make in making sure they are building up their work “correctly” by focusing on apparently insignificant aspects, can seem absurd.
Anyone looking from the outside would just think “Just trace the darn line. No big deal.”.
But for the artist, it is a big deal.
It is a big deal because they know that to play the odds in their favor regarding them producing a really wonderful piece of art, depends on how good they trace that line, or the color they choose, a decision that might be imperceptible to someone else.
They know that from one little decision to another little decision, a masterful artwork comes to life.
They pay attention to what is done, how it's done, and why. Because they know the final result isn’t decided at the end. It’s decided in the small choices along the way.
Just like what we choose to keep in our fridge.
Final Words
I feel some type of need to leave something clear: I don’t want you to think that I’m promoting you should be a control freak, trying to control every possible variable there is to consider under any given circumstance.
I find that attempt, even the thought of it, quite… I wouldn’t say stupid, but, yes, definitely a losing proposition (and this is coming from someone that might have a bit of a control freak issue).
What I am trying to reinforce is the notion that, as the book mentioned above says, maybe, just maybe, it would be easier to accomplish some of our goals if we don’t fight “Success” but entice her to come to us.
One variable here, another over there. One decision here, another there… and maybe “Success” starts to like us and spend more time with us.
Again, within your very limited resources and circumstances, what little, tinny variable you can control, or at least, influence?
Sure. There might not be any guarantees the results will come, or not the way you expected.
But don’t think about that for now.
Once more: focus on those few variables you can control or influence, build some type of “system” around it, follow it through, and let the odds play in your favor.
Just think in terms of probabilities, and set yourself up for success.
And remember, if no variable can’t be control or influence, don’t forget that you too are part of the equation, a variable, under any given circumstance.
Want to use art as a pathway to self-reflection and personal growth?
Working with me as your Art Life Coach isn’t about making pretty or perfect art. It’s about engaging in the creative process in a non-clinical way to better understand yourself, see your feelings more clearly, and make sense of what can’t always be explained with words. Art often reveals truths before we can name them, making it a powerful tool for self-reflection, personal growth, and change. If you feel there’s something within you that needs to be expressed or explored, this process might help.
Author: Jason Berberena
Art Life Coach, writer, painter, and co-founder of Kreation Artzone
